
L’ouverture d’esprit consisterait à accepter l’idée que le sexe serait associé à de multiples pratiques. Alors que dans toute scène de sexe Hollywoodienne, la pénétration – à priori vaginale- donnant lieu à un orgasme simultané serait l’aboutissement normal de toute relation sexuelle. D’après de nombreux sexologues occidentaux, les hommes et les femmes considèreraient massivement la sexualité hétérosexuelle comme un schéma immuable consistant en préliminaires plus ou moins rapides avant pénétration. Mais cette représentation invariable de notre sexualité est-elle justifiée ?
Quand la pénétration
n’est plus une évidence
Dans les années 1920, Freud avait avancé la théorie selon laquelle les femmes pouvaient être « classées » en 2 groupes selon l’accès au plaisir : les jeunes-filles réceptives à une stimulation clitoridienne et les femmes mures plus « vaginales », capables d’éprouver un orgasme lors d’une pénétration.
Aujourd’hui, la théorie de Freud est largement remise en question par la connaissance détaillée de l’anatomie des sexes féminins et masculins.
Le clitoris est désormais reconnu comme le seul organe féminin réellement dédié au plaisir. Doté de 8 000 terminaisons nerveuses contre 5 000 pour le gland, son homologue masculin, le clitoris serait sensible à la pression et aux vibrations, ce que les concepteurs de sex-toys ont bien compris !
Quant à la pénétration vaginale, elle ne permettrait qu’à 30% des femmes d’atteindre l’orgasme, ce dernier étant à priori induit par la stimulation du clitoris, qu’il s’agisse de sa partie externe ou de ses racines.

Ce qui nous amène donc à un dilemme, puisque les hommes sont bien habitués au schéma partagé « préliminaires + pénétration vaginale » et qu’il serait incompréhensible de leur balancer une pancarte expliquant la situation réelle sur l’oreiller. Soit l’équivalent d’une douche froide voire d’une bombe atomique pour le couple gentiment installé dans sa routine…
Restons fleur bleue...
Le sexe ne se limite pas à la recherche de plaisir personnel. La construction du désir est bien plus complexe et un rapport sexuel ne se résume pas à un corps à corps. Il s’agit d’un moment d’intimité privilégié quasi hors du réel pour « ne faire qu’un ». Love is in the air… 🌸
Mais si on part du postulat que du point de vue de la femme, la pénétration ne donne pas autant de plaisir que la stimulation clitoridienne, une pénétration consentie peut alors être vécue comme « un don de soi », acceptant l’idée qu’à ce moment du rapport sexuel, l’homme puisse prendre plus de plaisir qu’elle.
… Mais pas trop quand-même !
Sous la couette, la conscience (parfois féministe) se soustrait à l’inconscient, pour faire naitre le désir. Et c’est là qu’on se retrouve face à nos propres incohérences : la construction du désir fonctionne souvent par images. Et ces représentations visuelles passent par notre imagination, mais également par des films, récits, romans ou autres supports diffusant précisément le modèle de sexualité communément admis, virilité masculine inclue. A cela plus rien d’étonnant si on veut gagner autant que son homme mais que dans nos fantasmes, il nous plaque contre le mur… C’est l’illustration du grand écart fréquent entre désir et conscience personnelle.

Et si on laissait tomber le match entre notre conscience et notre libido ?
Ça simplifierait les choses non ? Pourtant, qu’il s’agisse de la nécessité psychique d’aligner ses actes avec ses convictions ou de maintenir l’équilibre de son couple, on peut dire que rien n’est moins sûr. Sur ce dernier point, il suffit de considérer le nombre de couples en consultation pour une baisse de libido d’un des 2 partenaires (encore majoritairement les femmes) pour s’en convaincre. Car d’après les sexologues, la routine sexuelle associée au schéma « préliminaires + pénétration » répété à l’infini ne fait pas bon ménage avec le désir à long terme.
Un postulat étayé par le circuit de la récompense commun à tous les mammifères qui associe le plaisir à la sécrétion de dopamine par le cerveau qui en redemande. Et si on reçoit moins de plaisir dans nos pratiques sexuelles que l’homme, on a juste moins envie d’y retourner ! CQFD.
La solution ?
Là encore, pas de remèdes miracles. Etre capable de discuter du sujet, ne pas créer de routine autour d’un schéma pré-établi, ne plus considérer les caresses comme des préliminaires mais un possible rapport sexuel à part entière n’aboutissant pas systématiquement à une pénétration. Evidemment, ne jamais simuler si on veut que notre Cupidon (ou Don Juan) comprenne le plaisir féminin, mais au contraire guider, être à l’écoute de son partenaire en exprimant ce qui nous donne du plaisir et garder une « attitude apprenante ». Et se souvenir que le plaisir doit être réciproque pour que les deux aient envie de remettre le couvert !
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